100 Creative Ways To Order A Pizza

[hareswar]

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. Use CB lingo where applicable.

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, 'Remember, we never had this conversation.'

6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you re going with the lowest bidder.

7. Give them your address, exclaim 'Oh, just surprise me!' and hang up.

8. Answer their questions with questions.

9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.

10. Order in pig Latin.

11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's 'Master of Puppets' CD.

13. Do not name the toppings you want; rather, spell them out.

14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say 'crazy bread.'

15. Stutter on the letter p .

16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else (eg. if phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!).

17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

18. Say that you have a coupon for a free Ferrari with two large thin crust pizzas.

19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.

21. Tell the order taker you re depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

22. Make a list of exotic cuisine's. Order them as toppings.

23. Change your accent every three seconds.

24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a factual pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.

25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say 'Bed-Wetters Camp, right?'

26. Start your order with 'I d like'. A little later, slap yourself and say 'No, I don t'.

27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say 'OK. That ll be?10.99 - please pull up to the first window.'

28. Ask if you can rent a pizza.

29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.

30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

31. Put the accent on the last syllable of 'pepperoni'. Use the long 'I' sound.

32. Have your pizza 'shaken, not stirred'.

33. Say 'Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say 'Well, so is this! You ve got some explaining to do!' When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask,'Do you know what it s like to be lied to?'

34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream 'Good-bye' at the top of your lungs.

35. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.

36. Imitate the order taker's voice.

37. Eliminate verbs from your speech. When they say 'What would you like?' say, 'Huh? Oh, you mean now.'

38. Play a sitar in the background.

39. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.

40. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.

41. Ask to see a menu.

42. Quote Carl Sandberg.

43. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.

44. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.

45. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.

46. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.

47. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.

48. Ask for a pizza in a hexagonal pattern.

49. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say 'Where was I? Who
are you?'

50. Psychoanalyze the order taker. Ask them about their childhood.

51. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.

52. Order two toppings, then say, 'No, they ll start fighting.'

53. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be
included in the pizza.

54. Ask to speak to Little Caesar.

55. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.

56. Report a petty theft to the order taker.

57. Ask for a 'Little Caesar Salad.'

58. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.

59. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, 'I shall not be swayed by your sweet words.'

60. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

61. Try to talk while drinking something.

62. Start the conversation with 'My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and... action!'

63. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.

64. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.

65. Be vague in your order.

66. When they repeat your order, say 'Again, with a little more OOMPH this time.'

67. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.

68. Leave out every other word in the sentences that you speak.

69. After ordering, say 'I wonder what THIS button on the phone does.' Simulate a cut-off.

70. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, 'This may be my last entry.'

71. State your order and say that s as far as this relationship is going to get.

72. Ask if they re familiar with the term 'squeegee a pizza.' Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.

73. Say 'Kaaaaabooooom' rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.

74. Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.

75. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.

76. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.

77. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.

78. Ask if they deliver to Melrose Place.

79. Put them on hold. Come back on the line and say to yourself, 'I sure wish Clinton would learn to make decisions by himself.'

80. Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.

81. Mumble, 'There's a bum under your seat.' When asked to repeat that, say 'I said sauce smothered with meat .'

82. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say 'No mushrooms, please.' Hang up before they have a chance to respond.

83. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say 'You just don t get it, do you?' Then break down crying.

84. When you re given the price, say 'Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math.'

85. Haggle.

86. Order a one-inch pizza.

87. Order term life insurance.

88. When they say 'Will that be all?', snicker and say 'We ll find out, won't we?'

89. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.

90. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.

91. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often and act embarrassed.

92. Tell them to warn the delivery guy to watch out for the anacondas in the front yard.

93. Dance all around the word 'pizza.' Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say 'Please don t mention the 'P' word.'

94. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell 'OW!' when a bullet is fired.

95. If he/she suggests a side order, become shocked and say 'How dare you! We barely know each other!'

96. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.

97. Order a steamed pizza.

98. Get order taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, 'This is your (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so.' Hang up.

99. Offer to pay for the pizza with a some fur pelts and five shiny stones.

100. If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, say, in your best pouty voice, 'Last guy let me do it.