plz I need helpful terms instead of "relax"

[toekneetries]

Okay so today was a new one for me. I gave a massage to a client who has never had a massage. I was specific on how to lay down on the table, how to undress, advised they could stop the session at any time etc etc
All went well until her head and neck at the end of the massage. Everytime I reached under her head/neck/shoulders to scoop up back to occiput she lifited her head up for me. I tried 'let your head be heavy in my hands", sink into the table, let me have the weight of your head. Nothing worked. I have had people who guard big time with arms and I can usually gently sway the arm back and forth and they get the idea. This threw me and I basically did not really do much massage on her neck because I just could't communicate what I needed her to do. I didn't want to seem like I was lecturing her like she was doing something wrong. How many times and ways can you ask a person to relax without saying relax? She said she really loved the massage afterwards but I would love help on how to handle guarding in that area. Oh and she had no injury there or anything like that. Somebody give me some clues.
Thanks

 

[Pompal 09.]

I find that can be a difficult area for people to "let go" and it may just take some regular bodywork. Especially for this person being new to massage (don't ya' just love first timers ) it may be they just are not used to someone else taking the weight of thier body. As you mentioned, you can trick the arms or legs into letting go- you can't really shake the head around. 8)

Sometimes we just have to let the client be where they are.

I am sure if you were to see her on a regular basis that you may eventually be able to change that habit.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Sometimes you just have to meet them where they are. In this instance, admit that lifting/cradling/manuevering the neck the way you wanted is not working. Let the head stay on the table. Maybe even a firm but gentle pressure down with one hand while working with the other. I think she probablt really *did* think the massage was great; just maybe doesn't even identify with the concept of letting go yet.

I hope she returns & you can work on her again, building that trust & understanding.

jill/sagetherapist

 

[Rick420~57]

I wonder if it might help to have her lift her head up as far as she can first... then tell her... "Okay, now let your head fall back into my hands."

Sometimes, if I've been carrying tension in a muscle for a long time, I have to flex it all the way, before I can really let it go. It's almost as if my body forgot that the muscle was there, and had to be reminded by conscious contraction, before I can do conscious relaxation.

So, instead of trying to get her to relax those muscles, have her "flex and release"? Even holding her head up as high as it can go for a ten count can help. The muscles will fatigue and WANT to relax at that point.

 

[hj01]

I tell people "Try to make your head heavy like a bowling ball." Works almost always, except for the one person who thinks that means to smash my hands like a bowling ball. But it seems like visualizing that slidey, rolly heavy movement of a bowling ball is a good visual for them to let me move the head around.

If that fails I have them press their head into the table, (into my hands,) then relax. It usually causes them to let go of a little of the guarding. And if THAT fails, I tell them "it's okay, it's really hard to let someone else move your body around, you're doing just fine." Then they relax enough to not be embarrassed that they "can't do it," and often the next session they can relax a little easier.

 

[Abbey<3]

"it's okay, it's really hard to let someone else move your body around, you're doing just fine."

I use a version of this too. In fact with first-timers I am very light on the instructions to let me do the lifting -- if they're guarding/holding/helping that much, my job is to gain their trust. But I totally know what you mean -- sometimes I wonder if I'm just not making myself clear enough!

 

[bob-chan]

I had a practice client who defied gravity. When I lifted his arm, it would stay up of its own accord even when I let go of it experimentally.

He resisted when I tried to do some ROM on his shoulder. I suggested he just relax his arm, let it lie limply, and it continued to hover as though the muscles were seized up.

I asked him if he had any control over whether his arm could hang loosely or not, and he said he did not; he's that tense. We're friends so I didn't mind ribbing him a little about it, but I guess with a normal client I wouldn't say anything beyond suggesting they relax, lie limp, etc.

Another friend would raise her head and do other movements that she thought were cooperative, until I suggested she totally relax and act like she's sleeping; she had never had a massage before and was just trying to be helpful.

 

[Princess Minx]

I have clients like that also, one thing I say to them is to "just let me do the work". Like some of the other responses said, your client's issue may just be newness to massage that will dissipate over time. There are some people, however, who cannot let go, no matter what you do. Perhaps you could also look at modifying your technique so that you could do more of the neck treatment with the client prone. Good luck!

 

[Rex]

Thanks everyone. Great tips and advice as always.

 

[rurouni]

The head and neck is a place of great vulnerability and requires a great amount of trust - if this was there first time, they may not realize what they need to do or not do. As they build repoir with you and a trust in your abilities as their therapist, they may learn to let go and releax....For me, if I don't feel like someone has good control of my head & neck, it causes me to tense up...especially if it is someone new to me.