depressed friend

[Allerpems]

Hi Sarah

Please step back from the situation, it is often difficult to see the full picture when you are to close, just tell her you are going to be busy for a few days doing something important and then when you calm down you might see the answers you are looking for

 

[autobot032]

The thing is i havent seen her for well over a month now! all it is is by email and text. but its still getting to me.

so much so, that it has blown up over email this morning and i have just sent a email back saying some of the things i feel. but i know that she will turn it round so that she is the victim again......but hey she will at least know my views.....thats if she doenst ignore them. its just so hard, i now feel really bad, but i know that it needed to be said, but i feel guilty. ho hum.

 

[ajetruepiieigbegv]

Well it might be an idea to step away from the emailing part too. If you feel you cannot do this then maybe its time to see her face to face and face the real deal. It may shed some light if you see her.
Evex

 

[LadyrootFiX]

Periwinkle

[sm=sandrine.gif]First of all I would like to send you some healing love & some blessings.[sm=angel-smiley-027.gif]

I have read all your posts about your friend and it's not been an easy time for you, howevere I think you have given everything in your being to help & support your friend, I don't believe she could have found a better friend. Please don't give yourself a hard time you have done everything possible to the point where it is affecting you. I have been in both your friends & your position, being the depressed victim & the support. It can be difficult to know whats best to do but I really must emphasise that you need to Look After You this really is important, You are Important, You Are Worth looking After. I know it doesn't feel like it sometimes but it's True!

When your friend makes her demands & you feel you have to respond try and ask yourself who has control and who is pulling the strings?
It sound like your friend likes living in the 'Victim' scenario as it gets people to respond the way she wants them to. You've done really well to tell her how you feel & your views please try not to feel guilty I know it's easier said than done. But we all need & have a right to time out and time to ourselves to strengthen, renew and refresh. You friend has made the first step by going to the doctor & agreeing to see the counsellor, but it seems that she still needs to take responsibility for her own words, actions & deeds. Ignoring things wont make them go away.

You really have been a good friend to her and steppping back doesn't change that. Please look after You I pray that your problems become easier & lighter & you receive some very Rich Blessings very soon.

I apologise if I've said anything out of turn.

Take Lots of Care[sm=newangel.gif]
Spykeyfingle[sm=cat.gif]

 

[Godfather AE]

Hi Sarah,
Was just wondering if you've made any progress with sorting out the effect this friend was having on you...?

 

[Theofilaktos]

Hi there nick

well...what can i say. alot has happened since.

basicaly, she has turned into my stalker! i was getting 20+ phone calls a day, 20+ texts, turning up and leaving 5 page letters on my doorstep saying how i have hurt her and that she wants to be me and i have everything and she has nothing - then ended up turning up on my doorstep at all times of day and nite! it got really scary!

i tried to ijnore her, not answer her (i would NOT give her any sympathy as that is all she wants) - i was harsh, but it didnt matter! she wouldnt get the message. i said i would talk to her but go to a public place....but she wouldnt have that, she would pled with me to go to her house, and it was important to go to her house etc.

it got to the point where i wouldnt answer my own home phone, i would turn my mobile off and wouldnt answer the door! i was really scared!

she was even saying that she wanted to 'treat' me to something special and got in contact with my horse riding instructor to ask if i could go out on a hack with her on our own and when she asked me to go with her and i said no, she went mad and said that i was able to go as my intructor said!! i didnt know any of this. i told her that i didnt want any treats from her and if she was gonna treat anyone then treat her son (she doesnt have any money and is highly in debt...apparently). this went on and on......

its died down a bit now, but i still dont want anything to do with her. she still phones and texts, but i dont answer her much. she keeps trying to plan stuff with me to do - but i just dont want to. im scared! i make no effort to see her and its just doing my head in.

.........sorry about the long update....but you did very kindly ask!!

 

[TwilightHay]

Oh my god, Sarah, how awful for you. I only hope it is helpful for you to share with us, rather than stirring up horrors...
I suppose it does at least prove everyone was right in advising you to put distance between yourself and this woman (who sounds seriously disturbed) - but you knew that anyway. One thing intrigues me... presumably she hasn't always been like this or you wouldn't have described her as a friend. Was she ever a good friend?
My wife once had a slightly similar problem with a woman she had been sympathetic to at work (this woman was a member of the public, not a colleague). The woman became a bit obsessive and we weren't sorry when we moved 200 miles away, though we continued to receive long rambling letters. Then one day, several years later,this woman turned up on our doorstep, out of the blue,and asked if she could stay in our flat for a couple of days. We relectantly agreed, anda nightmare couple of days followed. I suspect she was a manic depressive and we got hardly any sleep as she crashed around all night, noisily washing up and breaking plates, and playing music.
At that pointI was startingto get nervous about her, but she did eventually leave, and my wife decided that although this woman obviously needed help, we weren't really the people to offer it.
We had to stop responding to her letters and they gradually dried up. So I can see how scary it must be when this woman knows so much about you and could potentially turn it against you.
Is there anyone else who knows you and her (but who is less emotionally involved), who can maybe take her aside and spell things out to her? In this woman's state of mind, anything you say to her is obviously likely to be twisted (and not to your advantage). But maybe she would take it better from a mutual friend?

 

[yzeahucjiyqiejezj]

What springs to mind is:

the Bush essence, Five corners for her
http://www.ausflowers.com.au/shop/scditem.asp?id=18&catid=1

and for you, the Bach remedy Red Chestnut (Ainsworths are the only ones that make them according to Bach's original guide)
http://www.alexander-essentials.com/ainsworths-red-chestnut-flower-remedy.php

Hope this helps

 

[AlexandriaSupertramp]

Sarah, that does sound pretty upsetting. And it probably brings you down when you have to avoid her. But you dont have tochange her even though she upset you alot. I know this sounds strange, but alot of times when we see problems with other people, these are actually problems coming from our own selves.So she has obsessive compulsive disorder, so what??? You dont need to worry about it so much. Its probably bothering you morethan it is her.A good way to fix a problem, is that instead ofthinking about it too much, just imagine thateverything is going to be ok. Go back to indifference, and the way you felt before the whole situation escelated. You willfeel much better if you just put the difference behind you. And if she stillseems like oh poor me, poor world, dont try to counteract it and tell her what she should be feeling. Rather set a positive example bytrying to talk about positive things to take her mind off her depression.

Eventually you are going to have to deal with the situation, and the longer you wait, themore you will have to heal. I can sense that although yes, it does suck your friend sees everything assad (try Gorse bach flowerremedy), you are also seeing this situation in the eyes of negativity,the very same problem which you seeand despise in your friend. So when you despise your friend, you despise yourself.

Maybe you need to overcome your fear, and see her. Let her know that she can't be calling you and writing notes to youall the time because its scaring the hell out of you. I think that if you become indifferent to her (treat her like you would anyone else), then you might not have much of a problem confronting her. Im sure that you already are trying to be indifferent to her, it can be really tough.

I hope you start feeling better again. Dont let her problems get to you. Relax, and worry not about the whole situation. Dont go against the flow or you will struggle. Just let it work itself out. As the beatles said, "let it be".

Let me know how things are going. Not just with your friend, but also the way you are feelings. I hope you can start feeling happy again.

love and light
Elyezual.