My sympathy for "The Married Man"

[The boy]

oops the pie is in my sig line

 

[Yikes!]

Are you kidding? That woudl bring the government down so fast!

 

[sarahsardine]

Tyler1, shouldn't the bow be on the other side?

 

[Dharma Nature]

Excellent writting...

 

[Bob G]

I agree. Excellent writing and reaching the point of the post. As with
VBB, the original client in this situation, I sensed, would not have been at
the MP had his wife engaged in activity in the bourdoir. And as another poster
said, full-time jobs, kids, cleaning etc....would definately be counterproductive.

Hats off to all those women who juggle all these elements in their work and
family life, and are still able to jump the bones of their partners at whim!

 

[Wilma F]

Why do People change?

Because they settle...they've made their bed and now they have to lie in it...depressing isn't it?

 

[Carrie M]

An interesting Post RS. I don't think that any amount of talking will save that marriage. The idea of this guy telling you, during your first session (or during any session) that he often masturbated in bed, next to his wife, while she read a book (probably a Harlequin romance novel) is really, really sick. The signs of a loser....sorry, I calls them as a sees them.

I'm surprised daily at the lack of self respect many men have for themselves. In my job, I get to see alot of grown man acting like 12 year olds. Most are in their twenties, thirties, fourties and even their fifties.

And don't forget, its not only the CLIENTS that open up. I have known MPAs, who have told me some real personal stuff after a couple of sessions. I didn't mind, I actually found it very refreshing to think that these ladies thought that much of me to share some of their innermost thoughts. Two of the ladies are still good friends of mine. We occasionally get together for lunch or a coffee (or ice cap). We catch a concert, exchange Christmas and Birthday cards and pick each other up if we're going through a bad period. I really value their friendship and their trust.

 

[emilly]

Thanks I wrote it fast and noticed some mistakes just now in the reread, not typical VBB fashion, but point construed nontheless.




The fact that she allows him to masturbate in front of her ... LOL. A friend of mine tells me that he has to go to the washroom and pleasure himself each time his wife turns him down. He tried to do it in the bed with her and she flipped. He hides porno mags in the washroom and his wife throws them out each time. When he comes back after he is finished she always gives him this look.

Oh man MPAs, with that info we can start a whole new thread and it would be almost exactly like this one and probably just as long.

VBB

 

[Kristina_UK_1999]

Perhaps even people in serious relationships?

Exploring similiar line of thinking in Lounge:
http://www.massageplanet.net.ca/vbulletin/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=869611

Perhaps the menu should be T,N, NR, BS and companionship?

 

[Pompal 09.]

All I can RS is that it very slowly wears away at your self esteem, to the point you think you MUST be lousy in bed. Afer all, if the person you married can't be bothered having sex with you, who else would want to ???

The first few times I visited MP's after splitting up I was extremely nervous. When MPA's complimented me on my reverse, I didn't know how to take the positive comments. I thought they were simply being polite, then by the time I got to my 4th or 5th massage I realized maybe I wasn't so bad afterall...



I believe my wife knew what she needed to do to "close the deal." She was never great in bed, but before we were married at least she tried a couple of times a week, and I recognized that....

The fact of the matter is both men and women have LOTS of excuses as to WHY they don't want to have sex. The infamous "I'm tired" is my favourite...

... but my wife had PLENTY of energy for shit SHE wanted to do, like get up and garden, read or shop etc.... There was just no energy for anything I wanted.



Wife number two better LOVE DATY, coz I certainly do, and I ain't living without it ever again !!

 

[Miss Revenge]

I think it could be that we all need a bit of variety in our lives so we don't get bored. As much as I enjoy fillet mignon, for example, the novelty would wear off if I ate it every day. I still want to eat it, but maybe just once a week cause there are other good foods out there, some just as good, and the ones that are less good will make the fillet taste extra special when I have it again. Maybe for some the novelty never wears off. But if it does a little, I think that it is better to find a solution. This doesn't mean stopping the marriage, because for some people, no matter who they are with, need a bit of variety after awhile and they may be satisfied with their marriage, other than the lack of variety. Maybe your "married man" example will become happier and more relaxed as a result of his ventures and see his life from a new perspective. At least this one has taken the first step. I think that institutions like marriage, the law, education, the media, the government are denying the truth: that it is perfectly normal to be attracted to many, many, many members of the opposite sex, not just one's spouse. And as a couple get older together, I am sure that one looks at their spouse as less and less a "hottie" and appreciates them for other qualities. So the 70-year old or the one who has been married for 15 years will still find the younger and the unknown more physically alluring than the older and the familiar.

 

[naveen a]

Guess I've been missing out. Pretty sure I'm a man.



Others have mentioned the Cultural and peer stigma of staying in or breakup, as compare to success (snag/retain the 'marriage material') vs. 'failure' of not married.


VBB, thanks for sharing. Sorry for your loss. Completely agree with your 1000th post. Excellent points.

 

[Nancy M]

As a woman first and foremost - The fact that many married men visit MPs and partake in other aspects of the so-called "hobby" does honestly bother me.

This issue is one that when I'm in "thinkng too much mode" asks me to question the morality of it all and my level of "guilt" for the part I play.

At the same time - I do realize - that I may well have helped save or keep a marriage or two together by providing an "outlet".

I can see both sides of the issue. Because of my job I think I am better able to understand men - their motivations, their needs for intimacy - both physical, emotional - and I do believe that most (if not all), are lacking something which motivates them to seek out our services.

This is not a passing of judgement by any means. It may merely mean a desire for variety (or for single clients - the desire to be touched and be touched intamately by one or several women) - or be as complex as lack of love and/or intimacy within an existing relationship or having emotional needs that are not being met.

I understand why a man might seek out intimacy outside of an existing relationship. I don't judge him for seeking out said services. But it still bothers me because as a woman - It would kill me if I were to find that my future husband seeked out the services of someone like me.

I suppose that because of what I have learned in my "profession" I have somewhat of an advantage over the average gal - I'm scared shitless that if I can't keep my hubby happy - he will stray. It's pure motivation to ensure that I do all that I can to ensure that no matter what - intimacy should always remain a top priority.

I know it's easy for me to give Dr. Ruth advice to y'all. But really - if you're in a long-term committed relationship - I have a difficult time understanding why it is so difficult to talk to your wives and girlfriends about sexual issues - your needs and hers. If she shrugs you off or accuses you of simply being self-centeredly horny - do you give up or actually try to patiently and caringly talk things out?

Some women have deeper issues that inhibit their desire and enjoyment of sex. Some women will use sex as a weapon or reward. Some women are uncomfortable with their bodies or sexuality. Some women might actually benefit from a heart-to-heart on the matter/ some won't - but I think it's at least worth the effort.

 

[Claire Dare]

Great link there bud.

 

[INDIAN]

A married friend of mine once said that "soon as the mothering gene kicks in, the sex is over"

I have heard many a horror story to this end where a previously insatiable woman turns to stone.

 

[P4wn4g3]

Absolutely true.

Being single now and having escaped reasonably intact a long term relationship that was enough to break a camel's back, I can atest to everything you are saying.

Of all my "married friends", I don't think I envy any of them.

Ironically, the one married friend I have who is the horniest guy on the planet and will fuck just about anything has probably the strongest and most rewarding marriage. He has a beautiful wife, perfect mother, great homemaker, really cool, never EVER busts his balls. He has his affairs because as he says, "she just can't keep up". But he never takes it home. He will never leave his wife, ever. So go figure.

 

[Tigerspaw357]

For some reason I think we have the same friend. lol

 

[drgnrdr451]

a friend telling me there is one food that takes away a woman's sex drive....Wedding Cake LOL !

 

[peacelandandbread]

Is this thread still going on?

You married guys really suck.

 

[Fontofall]

I waited a long time before I read this thread. That story is the reason that I am not married yet and wondering if I ever will be.

I find that story to be very painful and scary. Basically, once you get married you are supposed to have children and then turn off your sex drive forever.

I have a few friends who I am sure live in similar marriages, but I was curious how typical is this?